i'm turtlin'

GLASSES! Why do 1D look so attractive in them?!

xxloveyouforeveronedirectionxx:

:O SO CUTE OMG.

telling you what i needed

somehow put me at peace. but i knew i couldnt follow it through.

it was do or die.

for the heck of me, i dont know what im doing up at this hour, bawling my eyes out when i know the final product would be the same, regardless of whether i cry a river or my mind envisions a drought.

when i tell you i cant do this anymore, the hurt in your eyes cut me right through the heart. this is for real. its so difficult to explain why i cant.. i just.. i cant..

my room still smells of you. and i can remember the way we wrestled each other to the ground on my wooden floors, loudly proclaiming that we’ll live and die together, regardless of how long, how strenuous, or how painful. i cant believe im breaking all these promises to achiever the all elusive happiness everyone’s striving to work towards.

there are so many comforting things i want to tell you. as my best friend, my best friend for 2 and a half years.

i love you.

i wish the best for you. 

and it hurts me to really wrap my mind around the fact that i believe that im not the best for you. it breaks my heart just to think of those words. to actually think that these words could appear in such an order, to be of a meaning that cuts us both deeply. of so many manipulative ways the words could have assembled, they have had to this way.

your parents have problems with me showing you lack of respect. i have no idea why i dont show you enough respect. i dont know.. why.. if baking and cooking.. giving you cookies and iced water wasnt enough… then.. what can ever be?

your countless complaints of me giving you a toothbrush sanitiser, it brings a smile to my face. how could i be so stupid and thoughtless to give you something so silly..?

the little bags i gave you so you could enjoy something sweet, i always wondered why you never asked for anything more in those bags.. maybe you just decided that you didnt want them and gave me back the empty bag. maybe it was embarassing to be seen going back to camp with those. after all, men are men right?

getting clothes that fit you made me happy because i felt like i was filling a need. going out to get you that bright blue shirt because it matched your skin tone, it made me feel good because you never had nice clothes before. i felt like you deserved it for hugging me when i cried over bad grades, and celebrating my first A in my mid years. i felt like.. it made you a more confident person; girls would make admiring glances at you.

and when you asked me why, i said that i just didnt want to be seen out in public with a person wearing a whole lot of trash.

and maybe because i have filled your needs, i decide that there’s nothing more than i can do. things get boring because i feel like im unneeded and unwanted. 

i can never understand the value of physical closeness with my family because i’ve long accepted that to live in mediocre luxury, i’ll have to exchange my precious daddy. but.. i guess your family definitely takes precedence over my time.. always. :) im so glad that people love you. i dont need to fill that need.

i never meant to hurt you when i told you that your photography wasnt doing you justice.. i didnt mean to. i just didnt want anyone else to say that yours wasnt the best they’ve ever seen. because that’s what i see in every shutter you break. but in the photos you take of me, i see all the imperfections, magnified a thousand times. 

i dont know if im striving for the perfect happiness, or i’m just helping myself to run away from difficulty, or if i feel like hiding.

i’ve never had to answer such difficult questions on my own because.. everyone else is in love..

love is like a plant. if you dont water it, it slowly dies.

ours is an unquenchable thirst that has devoured itself. it is self mutilating.

the tears shed is the blood of the heart that has kept the love alive.

take care.

dont forget that right here, right now, i love you, regardless of what i say.